Marriage 101

Marriage 101

“Marriage 101”

(1 Corinthians 7:1-9)

Series: Chaos & Correction (1 Corinthians)

Rev. Todd A. Linn, PhD

Henderson’s First Baptist Church, Henderson

 

 

•Take your Bibles and turn to 1 Corinthians, chapter 7 (page 770; YouVersion).

 

We are preaching our way, verse-by-verse, through the book of 1 Corinthians, a letter the Apostle Paul wrote around the year AD 55 to a church in chaos.  We noted in our introductory messages that the letter may be divided into three categories.  Paul addresses division in the church (chapters 1-4), disorder in the church (chapters 5-6), and then difficulties in the church (chapters 7 to the end).

 

And so this morning we look at this last and largest section of the letter, where Paul addresses theological difficulties within the congregation at Corinth.  Beginning here in chapter 7 Paul begins answering a series of questions the church members asked him, questions about various issues faced by the Corinthian Christians.

 

We know this because of the phrase Paul uses beginning here in chapter 7 and verse 1, the phrase, “Now concerning.”  See that in verse 1 of chapter 7?  Paul writes there in verse 1, “Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me.”  And then he answers the questions the Corinthians raised in a letter that had been hand delivered to him.

 

That phrase, “Now concerning,” occurs again in 1 Corinthians 7:25; “Now concerning virgins,” then in 1 Corinthians 8:1, “Now concerning things offered to idols,” and again later in chapters 12 and following.

 

So Paul, having addressed most recently the matter of sexual immorality in the church, that occurring at the end of chapter 6, addresses a related matter in chapter 7 as he now turns to the series of questions posed to him by the Corinthian Christians.  He begins by first providing a few principles of marriage.  With this in mind let’s turn now to the passage.

 

•Please stand in honor of the reading of God’s Word.

 

1 Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 

2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 

3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 

4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 

6 But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. 

7 For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that. 

8 But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; 

9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

 

•Pray.


Introduction:

 

Today’s message is entitled, “Marriage 101” because in these opening nine verses of chapter 7 Paul provides a few basic principles of marriage.  It doesn’t matter whether we are married, unmarried, married for years, or recently married, we are never too young nor too old, nor in some unique category that we may not learn from the Bible basic principles of marriage.

 

I read recently about one couple who had been married for 60 years. Throughout their life they had shared everything. They loved each other deeply.  And they had not kept any secrets from one another, except for a small shoebox that the wife had kept in the top shelf of her closet. When they had gotten married years earlier, she had put the shoe box up there in her closet and asked her husband never to look inside of it and never to ask questions about its contents.

 

For 60 years the man honored his wife’s request. In fact, he forgot all about that box until a day when his wife grew very ill, and the doctors were sure she had no way of recovering. So the man, putting his wife’s affairs into order, remembered that shoebox in the top of her closet, got it down, and brought it to her at the hospital. He asked her if perhaps now they might be able to open it. She agreed. They opened the box, and inside were two crocheted dolls and a roll of money that totaled $95,000. The man was astonished.

 

The woman told her husband that the day before they were married, her grandmother had told her that if she and her husband were ever to get into an argument with one another, they should work hard to reconcile, and if they were unable to reconcile, she should simply keep quiet and crochet a little doll.

 

The husband was touched by this, because there were only two crocheted dolls in the box. He was amazed that in over 60 years of marriage, they apparently had had only two conversations that they were unable to reconcile. Tears came to his eyes, and he grew even more deeply in love with this woman. Then he asked about the roll of money. He asked, “And what is this?” His wife said, “Well, every time I crocheted a doll, I sold it to a local craft fair for five dollars.”

 

So we’re never too young nor too old to learn something about marriage.  Let’s study these basic principles.  And this morning I’ve arranged the principles in a unique way.  I thought of it this way: If Marriage Were Math, how would we word the main points of these opening verses?

 

**If Marriage were Math, first of all:

One Plus One Equals One (1-4)

 

The equation is important! This is not common math where one plus one equals two.  In marriage, the Bible teaches that one plus one equals one.  This equation occurs first in Genesis 2:24, a passage Paul quoted last time in verse 16 of chapter 6.  After that first marital union of Adam and Eve in Genesis 2:24 God says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they (two) shall become—(what?) —one flesh.”  They two shall become one.  One plus one equals one.  There is a unity to marriage in that one and one join together as one.

 

Some years ago I heard Tony Evans, gifted African American expository preacher, preaching on marriage.  He was debunking the idea that marriage was a 50/50 relationship.  He said it’s not 50/50, it’s 100/100.  He said, “If my wife’s giving me only 50%, I want to know who’s getting the other half!”

 

Marriage is 100/100 or, stated another way, “One plus one equals one.”  Now let’s return to the passage and read again verse 1:

 

1 Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 

 

Let’s break this down.  First of all, the word “touch” there is a word that refers to intimacy.  The phrase, “to touch a woman,” is a Jewish euphemism for sexual intimacy.  For example in Proverbs 6, the Bible warns of the consequences of committing adultery with the wife of one’s neighbor.  The Bible says in Proverbs 6:9, “Whoever touches her shall not be innocent.”

 

So you see, this phrase is not to be taken in a wooden or literal way.  You know, “Never so much as touch any woman at all,” in the way many of us meant it as second graders in elementary school, you know, “Don’t get cooties by touching that person!”  The phrase refers to sexual intimacy.”

 

So a paraphrase of verse 1 might be, “Now concerning the things about which you wrote to me, first of all, “It is good not to engage in sexual intimacy.”

 

And Paul is responding to what appears to have been another one of these slogans or statements bandied about the Corinthian church.  We’ve noted other such slogans before in our previous studies in chapter 6, “All things are lawful for me (1 Corinthians 6:12),” and, “Foods for the stomach and the stomach for foods (1 Corinthians 6:13).”

 

So there’s this other phrase or slogan going around the Corinthian congregation: “It is good for a man not to touch a woman.”  And Paul agrees in principle.  Verse 1 is like Paul’s saying, “You know that saying is not a bad one, the saying, ‘It is good for a man not to touch a woman,’ I mean it is good to refrain from sexual intimacy—but not always,” and then Paul explains what he means as he continues in the following verses.

 

But before we look at verse 2 and following, understand that there was this element in the congregation at Corinth that thought sexual intimacy of any kind, including sex within marriage, was considered inherently wrong, something to be avoided.  So what Paul does here is address this wrong understanding and thereby refute the idea that sexual intimacy is somehow a bad thing.  He teaches that the reverse of this slogan is not true, that it is “bad” for a man to touch a woman.

 

So understand that there was this sort of “Pro-Celibacy” group or faction within the Corinthian church.  These were people who seemed to think celibacy was more spiritual than marriage.

 

Celibacy, abstaining from sexual relations primarily by not being married, does not make one more spiritual.  Similarly, being married does not make a person more spiritual.  As Paul will note later in the passage, some people are uniquely and divinely “hardwired” for marriage and some are not.  One has one gift and another has another gift (verse 7).

 

It is often noted that God ordained marriage for five purposes: Marriage is for procreation (be fruitful and multiply), partnership, pleasure, purity and portrayal, that is a picture of the mystical union of Christ with His bride, the church (Ephesians 5:32).

 

We don’t have time to fully treat these five purposes but I mention them in passing insofar as we understand that God has ordained marriage as a good thing, not a necessary thing for all persons, but a good thing that governs the physical relationships between men and women.

 

2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 

 

The word “have” here refers to “having” in the sense of sexual intimacy.  Paul says in verse 2, “Because of sexual immorality,” namely the kind of immorality going on all the time outside the church at Corinth—and we talked about that last week (1 Corinthians 6:12–20), with the average Corinthian citizens engaging in sexual relations with temple priestesses or prostitutes in the expression of worshiping Aphrodite—because of all this stuff going on all the time in Corinth, Paul says in verse 2, “Let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.”

 

What Paul is saying here is, “Look, given the sex-saturated climate in Corinth, given that so many of you have come out of that sexually charged culture, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife and each woman have her own husband.”  That is, “Temptation abounds!  It is everywhere, so let the husband and wife avoid sexual temptation by joining together regularly with one another in sexual intimacy.”

 

By the way, we also may infer from Paul’s instructions here that verse 2 rules out any notion of polygamy, the idea of having more than one wife or husband.  It stands to reason that a shared woman would not be the husband’s “own wife” and a shared man would also not be the woman’s “own husband.”  Biblical marriage is monogamous marriage, the uniting together of one man and one woman.

 

3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 

 

Verse 3 teaches that the husband is to fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife is to fulfill her husband’s sexual needs.  That’s pretty straightforward teaching and Paul elaborates in verse 4:

 

4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

 

That is, there is a necessary mutuality in marriage.  Remember the equation?  One plus one equals—what?—one plus one equals one.  When a man and woman leave their father and mother and cleave to one another, the two become one.  So the wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.

 

I think the Phillips paraphrase of verse 4 captures the sense of this teaching on marriage perfectly.  Listen to this paraphrase of verse 4:

 

“The wife has no longer full rights over her own person, but shares them with her husband. In the same way the husband shares his personal rights with his wife.”

 

Hear that?  In Christian marriage, one plus one equals one.

 

“The wife has no longer full rights over her own person, but shares them with her husband. In the same way the husband shares his personal rights with his wife.”

 

So while Ephesians 5 and Colossians 3 define varying roles of godly leadership and godly submission on the part of the husband and wife respectively, there is nonetheless a necessary mutuality of the two with respect to their bodies.  The wife has no longer full rights over her own person, but shares them with her husband, and in the same way the husband shares his personal rights with his wife.  One plus one equals one.

 

If marriage were math, one plus one equals one.  Second point: If marriage were math:

 

One and One Agree as One (5-6)

 

What Paul does now in verses 5 and 6 is to teach that there are times within marriage when a couple may choose to abstain from sexual intimacy with one another.  When they do so, however, they must be in agreement with one another and their abstaining from intimacy is to be for the purpose of spiritual enhancement, a limited time of enhanced spiritual focus and communion with God.

 

5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 

6 But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment (that is, Paul does not insist that every couple periodically abstain from sexual intimacy, but he permits it).

 

See what Paul is teaching here?  He’s coming back to this slogan mentioned in verse 1, “It is good for a man not to touch a woman,” good for a man to not have intimacy with his wife.  Paul says, “This is a general statement that isn’t bad, but a statement that needs some qualifying.”  It’s also good for a man not to eat at times, or not to sleep at times.  But certainly not all the time!

 

So Paul says, “There may well be times—limited times—when refraining from intimacy within marriage is a good thing.  If the husband and wife “consent,” mutually consent to abstaining from sexual intimacy, then it is good to do so—provided that the reason for abstaining is for spiritual enhancement, namely “that (they) may give (themselves) to fasting and prayer.”

 

See, husbands and wives are not to sexually deprive their spouses of intimacy.  One plus one equals one and one and one agree as one.  Husbands and wives are to regularly enjoy intimacy with one another.  Again, God ordained marriage for a number of purposes: procreation, partnership, and pleasure being a few of those reasons.

 

Husbands and wives are to be in agreement as to periodic times when they may decide to abstain from sexual intimacy with one another.  One implication here is that no husband or wife is ever to use intimacy as some kind of bribe or reward.  No husband or wife is to threaten to withhold intimacy from the other unless the other person meets some kind of request or demand.  One plus one equals one and one and one agree as one.

 

Paul goes on to warn in verse 5 that should a husband and wife agree together to abstain from intimacy for a time, a time to fast and pray, then they should before too long “come together again,” he says, “so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”  In other words, “If you go too long without intimacy, one of you may be tempted to engage in sexual sin.”

 

One of the consequences of the lack of consistent intimacy on the part of a husband and wife, he may be that one becomes tempted, tempted to think in unhealthy ways, or tempted to look at other persons to whom one is not married in unhealthy ways.  This in no way mitigates the responsibility of the sin, but it is simply to explain what Paul is teaching here in verse 5, “After a limited time of abstaining from sexual intimacy, join together again in intimacy as is the expected regular, ongoing behavior of married men and women.

 

Isn’t the Bible immensely practical?!

 

If marriage were math, one plus one equals one, and one and one agree as one.  Thirdly, and finally, if marriage were math:

 

One with One is not for Everyone (7-9)

 

That’s another way of saying, “Some people are happy being single.”  Marriage is not for everyone.  Some people are gifted with singleness.  Such was true of the Apostle Paul, verse 7:

 

7 For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that. 

 

Paul himself was single and he enjoys his singleness.  He says, “I wish that all men were even as I myself,” but then adds, “but each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that,” which is to say, “Some have the gift of celibacy and some have the gift of marriage.”

 

There are some distinct advantages to the single state.  Paul will explain later in verses 32 and following that being single frees one up to serve the Lord more fully.  When one is married he or she has the noble responsibility of caring for the family and training up children in the way they should go.  That’s a good thing and it is a good thing that takes a great deal of time.  When one is single, however, he or she has more time to serve the Lord.

 

Paul will talk about divorce in the text we’ll look at next time, Lord willing, but think of the application even here.  If you are divorced and seeking reconciliation that’s a good thing.  If God brings it about, great!  If not, well look at the time you have to serve the Lord, to grow.

 

Neither being single nor being married makes a person any more spiritual or any less spiritual.  Just because a person is married, it does not follow that this same person is somehow more spiritual.

 

It seems it would be helpful to rethink the way we refer to “singles” in the church as though there something wrong with them.  For example, a Sunday School class called, “The Spares and Pairs” may wrongly suggest a single person is like a “spare” part!  Not good.

 

We also need to be careful to take passages on marriage, passages such as where God says, “Be fruitful and multiply,” as a mandate for people to get married and then have as many children as possible.  We compare Scripture with Scripture and we read of the distinct advantages of remaining single.  What then are we to make of Paul who was not married?  What are we to make of his statement here in verse 7, “For I wish that all men were even as I myself?”  Or, as Paul goes on to say in verse 8:

 

8 But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; 

 

Paul was himself single.  And again he will go on later to talk about some of the distinct advantages of remaining single.

 

In verse 8, the word, “unmarried” is in the masculine gender and likely refers widowers, men whose wives had died.  And then the next term, “widows,” refers of course to women whose husbands had died.  So Paul has in mind here widowers and widows.

 

And it seems likely that Paul himself had once been married, given his strict Jewish training and upbringing.  Judaism was decisively “pro-marriage” and Paul referred to himself in Philippians 3:5 as, “a Hebrew of the Hebrews.”  So he was likely a widower, a man whose wife had died, but we really don’t know for certain as the Bible nowhere explicitly says so.

 

The main point of verse 8 is Paul’s stating that he thinks it is good for widows and widowers to remain single as they will have more time to devote to the service of the Lord.  He adds, however, in verse 9:

 

9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

 

Verse 9 presents a caution to those who are widowed.  If such a person has difficulty exercising self-control, if such a person finds himself or herself thinking unhealthy or impure thoughts, Paul says then by all means, seek a spouse and marry.  “For,” he adds, “it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”  That is, it is better to marry than to give-in to the sin of lust and sexual immorality.

 

And, as we compare Scripture with Scripture we may also conclude that if one re-marries it is vitally important that one marry another Christian, someone who is growing in the Lord.

 

Widows and widowers must be especially careful to resist the temptation to marry someone just for the sake of companionship, a great temptation to those who are widowed after several years of marriage.  Widows and widowers frequently miss the companionship they had known for years.  So they must be sure that their future companion shares the same undying love for the Lord Jesus Christ, that their future companion is not an unbeliever nor even a so-called nominal Christian, a Christian in name only.

 

Well again, the Bible is immensely practical.  I find this material so helpful today.  Marriage 101.  If marriage were math:

 

1) One plus one equals one.

 

2) One and one agree as one.  And,

 

3) One with one is not for everyone.

 

And now, may each and everyone stand for prayer.

 

•Pray.

 

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