“Conquering Resentment”
(Matthew 18:21-35)
Series: More Than Conquerors (5 of 7)
Todd A. Linn, 3-5-06
- Please open your Bibles to Matthew, Chapter 18.
Several weeks ago we began a series of expository messages from different parts of the Bible. And the theme of our series is, “More Than Conquerors.” According to the Apostle Paul, Christians are not just conquerors, but, as he says in Romans 8:37, we are “more than conquerors through Christ who loved us.” If that is true, there are some areas in which we should be conquering. And so we’ve learned what the Bible says about our conquering worry, conquering anger, depression, and so forth.
Today’s message is from one of the parables of our Lord Jesus Christ. This parable is one of my favorites and I use it frequently in pastoral counseling. This particular parable is very helpful in leading Christians to have healthy relationships with others, particularly with others who have hurt them. So With that in mind, let me ask you to:
- Please stand in honor of the reading of God’s Word.
21 Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.
23 “Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.
24 “And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents.
25 “But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made.
26 “The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, ‘Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’
27 “Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt.
28 “But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, ‘Pay me what you owe!’
29 “So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’
30 “And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt.
31 “So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done.
32 “Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me.
33 ‘Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?’
34 “And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him.
35 “So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.”
- Pray.
Introduction:
Resentment is a crippling, stress causing, physically debilitating, emotional disorder that affects millions of Americans every single day. The word “resentment” can be defined as, “extreme displeasure caused by an insult or slight” or, “the quality or state of feeling bitter.” In fact, I think that definition is the best, because it speaks of resentment as an ongoing emotional state.
The word “resentment” is from two Latin words “re” and “sentir” and the word literally means to “re-feel.” Resentment is to “re-feel” or to “feel again.” And what happens in resentment is that a person who has been hurt or slighted by someone “re-feels” that emotion over and over and over again. And the re-feeling of that emotion leads to deeper emotional hurt. Resentment.
Resentment involves other people. We can become resentful when others hurt us by making fun of us, when others tell us how to act or think, when others tells us we’re not smart, when others act hypocritical, when others falsely accuse us, prejudge us, overpower us, discriminate against us, label us, underestimate us, lie about us, or ignore us—in a word, when others sin against us.
Prior to this parable, Jesus is talking with His disciples about what to do when a Christian is sinned against by another. He says when that happens go privately to the one who sinned against you. Tell him his fault between you and him alone. If that doesn’t do the trick, take one or two others with you next time. If that doesn’t work, then, and only then, take it to the church.
The disciple Peter is thinking over what Jesus said and it causes him to ask the question, “Lord, just how many times should I forgive someone who sins against me?” And that question introduces a discussion about conquering resentment. So I want to talk to you this morning about how to conquer resentment. From this passage, we’ll find some helpful actions to take. Here’s the first one. If we’re going to conquer resentment, number one, we must:
1. Choose to Forgive Others Endlessly (21-22)
Peter wants to know how often he should forgive someone who sins against him. Apparently, it never occurred to Peter that he may be the one sinning against someone else! But he asks the question there in verse 21:
21 Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.
The Jewish people thought it was a noble thing to forgive an offender three times. Peter sees Jesus as a man who “raises the bar” and wonders whether the “forgiveness limit” goes up to seven times. It’s interesting that Peter seems concerned about forgiving someone too much rather than forgiving someone too little. “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” To Peter, seven sounds like a good, biblical number.
And Jesus says, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” The Greek can be translated either “seventy times seven” or “seventy-seven times.” It really doesn’t matter how you translate it, because Jesus’ point is that there is no limit to forgiveness. He responds with an idiom that simply means forgiveness is endless in nature.
Paul teaches in 1 Corinthians 13 that love, “keeps no record of wrongs.” That’s the idea here. We don’t keep a ledger of those who have hurt us—their names written down with the exact number of times they have offended us.
I heard about a resentful man who was in the hospital because he was feeling bad. And the doctor ran some tests on him and came back to him and said, “I don’t know how to tell you this, but the tests show that you have rabies and you are going to die.” The man said, “Rabies? You mean the dog disease?” The doctor said, “That’s right.” The man immediately took out a pad of paper and began writing furiously. The doctor was concerned and asked, “Are you writing out your will?” The man said, “No, I’m making a list of people I’m going to bite.”
Love keeps no record of wrongs and forgiveness is endless in nature. If someone hurts you emotionally, rather than keeping score by “re-feeling” that hurt over and over and over again, choose to forgive that person endlessly. That’s what Jesus teaches.
Lord, how many times shall my sister sin against me, and I forgive her? Endlessly.
How many times shall my mother sin against me, and I forgive her? Endlessly.
How many times shall my husband sin against me, and I forgive him? Endlessly.
Fill in the blank: wife, son, daughter, co-worker, school teacher, supervisor.
If you want to be emotionally, physically, and spiritually healthy, you must choose to forgive others endlessly. Number two, if we want to conquer resentment, not only must we choose to forgive others endlessly, but secondly, we must:
2. Choose to Forgive Others Compassionately (23-33)
It’s at this point in the discussion with Peter that Jesus illustrates his teaching with a parable. Now, a parable is a simple story with one main point. The main point of this story is that no matter how many times someone sins against us, we are not to become resentful, but rather we are to be forgiving.
So Jesus tells this story about a king who had a man brought before him who owed the king a huge some of money. The Bible says “ten thousand talents.” In Bible days, ten thousand talents was a debt no one could pay. It’s kind of like saying the guy owed the king “a gazillion dollars.” How much is a gazillion? I don’t know, but you could never pay it. That’s the point. So the king says, “You can’t pay this debt? Okay, here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to get this money by selling you as a slave. We’ll sell you, your wife, your children, and we’ll liquidate everything you have in order to get this money back.” Well that causes the guy to fall down on his knees and begin to beg. He cries out to the king, “Please, have patience with me and I will pay back every single penny.”
Now, that action causes something to happen to the king. Do you remember what happened? Look again at verse 27:
27 “Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt.
That king chose to forgive the guy compassionately. I mean that king took the page out of his ledger book and ran it through the paper shredder. He was moved with compassion and he forgave the guy his debt.
Now if that guy who was forgiven knew how to receive such compassionate forgiveness, what do you suppose he would do? He, too, would choose to forgive others compassionately. But what happens?
He goes out and finds someone who owes him “a hundred denarii.” Now, compared to a gazillion dollars, a hundred denarri is something like “20 bucks.” So the guy has been forgiven a gazillion dollars and the first thing he does is find someone who owes him 20 bucks and what does he do? He takes him by the throat and says, “Pay me what you owe me!” This guy falls down and says, “Be patient with me and I’ll pay it all back.” But the ungrateful guy isn’t patient at all. He locks the man up in prison until the $20 debt is paid.
So there are these other guys standing around who knew what was going on. Evidently they had been standing there in the king’s room when the ungrateful guy had been forgiven his debt of a gazillion dollars. Then they watched him as he went out and demanded 20 bucks from this poor soul who ends up getting locked up in prison. So what do they do? They go tell the king.
Then the king summons the first guy back before him. And he says, “You wicked servant. I forgave you all that debt because you begged me.” Then, in verse 33:
33 ‘Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?’
34 “And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him.
Jesus’ point is clear: Just as the king had chosen to forgive compassionately, so should the man have chosen to forgive compassionately.
Do you know why this man could not forgive others compassionately? Because he himself had never truly received the forgiveness the king had extended to him.
I mean, if someone borrowed a five-dollar bill from you and told you he would pay you back the next day, and you wake up the next day to discover you have inherited five million dollars—are you really going to be thinking about the guy who owes you five bucks? No. Why? Because you’ve inherited five million dollars. What’s five bucks?!
This wicked, unforgiving, uncompassionate servant in the parable could not extend forgiveness to others because he himself had never really appreciated and fully received the forgiveness extended to him by the king.
You see, Jesus’ point here is that we’re to forgive others just as we have been forgiven. The Bible says in Ephesians 4:32, “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.”
When you and I really appreciate and fully receive the forgiveness that God in Christ extended to us, we have no problem forgiving others. Can I say that again? When you and I really appreciate and fully receive the forgiveness that God in Christ extended to us, we have no problem forgiving others.
See God is the king who sits on the throne. And we are servant brought before him. And, because of our sin, we owe a huge debt to God—a debt we cannot pay. And God, in His compassionate love for us, through the work of Calvary’s cross, forgives our debt in Christ.
Now I want to speak very frankly with you. If you know something of Calvary’s cross, if you have received the compassionate forgiveness of God through faith in Jesus Christ, if you have really appreciated and fully received God’s compassionate forgiveness—then you have no problem forgiving others. Period.
But if you haven’t received God’s compassionate forgiveness. If you don’t really appreciate and fully receive what God has done for you, you’re going to be like that wicked, uncompassionate servant, running around demanding others to pay you what they owe. You’ll continue to be bitter toward them, and you’ll continue to “re-feel” their hurt toward you over and over and over again. You’ll continue to be resentful.
But if you know something of Calvary’s cross. If you know what it’s like to stand before the King, Eternal, Immortal, Invisible, God who alone is wise and be forgiven of a debt you could never pay—then you’ll have no problem with people who sin against you.
God never asks us to do anything He doesn’t empower us to do. Choose to forgive others endlessly. Choose to forgive others compassionately. Thirdly:
3. Choose to Forgive Others Whole-Heartedly (34-35)
Look again at what happens to this unforgiving, uncompassionate servant, beginning in verse 34:
34 “And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him.
35 “So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.”
Jesus says, “So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespass.” We must choose—from our heart—to forgive others. Forgive others whole-heartedly.
Do you know what happens if we don’t forgive others whole-heartedly? Jesus says that God, like the king in the parable, delivers us over to the torturers. We are punished. We are punished.
How are we punished? The Bible says that the king “delivered him” to the torturers. The king himself doesn’t do the torturing. Who does it?
When you become resentful and unforgiving, do you know who you are hurting? You are hurting yourself. We build prisons of brick, stone, mortar and steel, yet the hardest, toughest prisons ever made are those that are built by bricks of resentment. Someone offends you and that’s a brick that you place. You “re-feel” that hurt and it’s another brick to build upon. And just like that, brick after brick after brick after brick, we build prison walls around ourselves and we slowly die within.
“So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother—his sister, his mother, his father, his friend, his enemy—his trespass.”
Someone said, “Forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hate. It is a power that breaks the chains of bitterness and the shackles of selfishness.”
Life is too short to be resentful. Life is too short to not forgive others. In just the past two weeks, we’ve had a total of seven deaths that have touched our church family in one way or another. I’ve only been here 3 ½ years and in that short time I have preached over 40 funerals—and those are just the ones I have conducted. Life is too short not to choose forgiveness.
- Stand for prayer.
Heads bowed and eyes closed. Some of you have been hurt by someone else. Got a picture of that person in your mind? Let me ask you something: Have you experienced God’s forgiveness? Have you really? Then choose, right now, to forgive. Say it in your spirit: “I forgive you.”
Some of you know you have not received God’s forgiveness. In the parable, the king did not simply overlook the servant’s debt. That king absorbed the debt. It cost that king to forgive the debt. And God will not simply overlook your sin. Listen: God has paid for your sin. It cost Him to pay for it—it cost Him dearly.
Our sins are so many that we owe to God a debt we cannot pay. Jesus paid a debt He did not owe—and it cost Him His life.
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