“Being a Biblical Husband”
(1 Peter 3:7)
Series: Strength Through Adversity
Rev. Todd A. Linn, PhD
Henderson’s First Baptist Church, Henderson
- Take your Bibles and join me in 1 Peter, chapter 3 (page 816; YouVersion).
We’re going to be talking about what it means to be a biblical husband. Verses 1-6 talk about being a biblical wife and then verse 7, a verse that is tightly-packed with biblical instruction, Peter addresses the matter of being a biblical husband.
Incidentally, I want to remind you that this weekend is the Visionary Family Weekend, Friday and Saturday, Rob Rienow will be with us. Our mission statement is: Cherish the Word, share the Gospel, strengthen the family, serve the community, reach the world. To help us strengthen the family, Rob Rienow will be with us Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. If you have any questions about what to sign up for, Jill Meadows is available today at the information area of the Preschool and Children’s foyer.
And speaking of being a biblical husband, men, the Johnny Hunt Men’s Conference is February 1st and 2nd, that’s a Friday and a Saturday. This is, hands down, the very best men’s conference you can attend. The cost is only $100. You can register today in the church office. $100 covers everything–conference materials, hotel, breakfast, and a manly-sized steak dinner Friday evening. The conference is entitled, “Escape Plan: Sin is a Prison, so Let’s Break Out!” Men, bring your older sons with you and come and be blessed.
- Stand in honor of the reading of God’s Word.
7 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them [your wives] with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.
- Pray.
Introduction:
Yesterday while running I was listening to a message, and in the message was reminded me of a song that a cousin had introduced me to many years ago when I was about 10 years old and he had come from Nebraska to visit us in California.
I thought this song was funny. I wanted my cousin to teach me all the words. I later learned the song was written by Shel Silverstein. It’s called, “Put Another Log on the Fire.” Heard of it? While Silverstein was the writer, the song was made popular by Tompall Glaser of the Glaser Brothers from Nebraska.
I mention this song to you as an example of what Peter is NOT teaching here in verse 7! The song is about a simple country man who expects his wife to do everything for him.
Put another log on the fire.
Cook me up some bacon and some beans.
And go out to the car and change the tire.
Wash my socks and sew my old blue jeans.
Come on, baby, you can fill my pipe
And then go fetch my slippers.
And boil me up another pot of tea.
Then put another log on the fire babe,
And come & tell me why you’re leaving me.
Now remember, I was only 10 when I first heard the song and thought it was so funny! The husband in the song continues singing to his wife:
Now don’t I let you wash the car on Sunday?
And don’t I warn you when you’re gettin fat?
Ain’t I a-gonna take you fishin’ with me someday?
Well, a man can’t love a woman more than that.
And ain’t I always nice to your kid sister?
Don’t I take her driving every night?
So, sit here at my feet cause I like you when you’re sweet,
And you know it ain’t feminine to fight.
Of course what makes the song so funny is that it is so wrong! I don’t know a man in all the world who is so foolish as to believe that way and live that way and treat his wife that way…but there may be some men who come close.
Peter has some straightforward teaching here in verse 7 for husbands, a few actions for every husband. There are a few actions for every future husband, as well. And this is also a verse that a man may use to teach a son, a grandson, a nephew, a friend. A woman may use the verse the same way, teaching her son or grandson about what it means to be a biblical husband. So the verse is ultimately for everyone’s benefit.
Note carefully what Peter teaches here in the Bible with respect to husbands living with their wives. I want to focus on each phrase here. Number one, Peter teaches that a husband is to be committed to his wife.
- Be Committed to Her
The first thing Peter says in verse 7 is, “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding.” The phrase, “Dwell with them” is used as an imperative that may be translated, “Keep on living in the house.” Stay committed to your spouse. Keep on living in the house with her.
I’ve said before that Michele can never leave me because if she leaves me, I’m going with her. I have committed my life to her. I have committed to dwell with her, to keep on living in the house with her.
One of the challenges many pastors and counselors face in modern day marital counseling is teaching commitment where parents and in-laws are playing interference. A husband and wife have some difficulty and a mother-in-law or a father-in-law gets involved. A husband gets angry and decides he doesn’t love his wife and he leaves the house and goes and stays at his mother’s house.
Now I’ve got an idea if I ever tried that, my mother probably be like, “Well, I guess you can stay here for a day or two, but that’s it. You made a commitment. Keep it.”
Husbands, wives, if we pledged our hearts to one another, if we stood at the marriage altar and promised, “I will for better or for worse,” then we keep our word. What is commitment if we don’t continue to–commit?
Dwell with them. Keep on living in the house. So, number one, be committed to her. Number two:
- Be Considerate of Her
Peter writes in verse 7, “Dwell with them with understanding.”
This means a husband should seek to understand his wife’s needs and regularly consider what the Bible teaches about the nature of marriage.
To “Dwell with them with understanding” means, for example, that a husband will seek to consider and seek to understand what his wife is instructed in the previous verses. A biblical husband understands verses 3-6 from last week and he seeks to praise his wife for her inner beauty as well as her outward adornment.
The biblical husband seeks to be like the husband of the Proverbs 31 woman, a woman of whom the Scripture says, “Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her (saying): “‘Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all (Proverbs 31:28:29).’”
Husbands, be committed to your wife. Be committed to her, be considerate of her, thirdly:
- Be Crazy about Her
The next phrase in verse 7 is, “Giving honor to the wife.” A husband is to “honor his wife.” I’m calling that, “Be Crazy about Her.”
To honor one’s wife the way Peter means it is to cherish one’s wife. The word “honor” is often used generically as in, “Honor the rules” or, “Honor this policy,” and so forth. But that hardly captures the idea Peter has in mind. When Peter says husbands are to “Give honor to their wives” men, he’s talking about the idea of cherishing a wife as something precious.
There’s a special way we treat things we cherish. When something is precious to us we take special care of it. That’s what Peter means here when he says, “Dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife.” To give honor to her is to cherish her, to be crazy about her, to treat her as something precious.
A guy gets a new rod & reel and he treats that thing like it’s priceless treasure. He takes it out and he looks at it and he kisses it and stores it in a special place. He doesn’t let anyone else use it and he doesn’t let anyone else near it. That rod & reel is his alone and he loves it!
A husband’s giving honor to his wife is to treat her as precious treasure. A husband cherishes his wife. She has a special place in his life. She is his alone and he loves her.
Be crazy about her. Verse 7 again:
“Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel…”
A husband shows he cherishes his wife and that he’s crazy about his wife by doing two things. First, he will:
–Guard her as her Strong Protector
The biblical husband protects his wife. Peter says in verse 7 that the husband gives honor to the wife, “as to the weaker vessel,” or the weaker partner.
What does that mean? How is the wife a “weaker vessel” or “weaker partner” in comparison to her husband?
Well it cannot mean that she is morally weaker or intellectually weaker. Nor can it mean that she is essentially weaker in terms of her essence, her value, worth, or dignity as a human being. We talked about this at length in our introductory message on this section.
Husbands and wives are essentially equal, whatever essence, whatever stuff, that is found in a man is the same essence or stuff found in a woman; the two are essentially equal. And yet while the husband and wife are essentially equal they have different roles. The husband is head of the wife, her leader, and as helper and completer she submits to his leadership.
We illustrated this a couple weeks ago with the doctrine of the Trinity. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are essentially equal. All of God is found in the Father and all of God is found in the Son and all of God is found in the Holy Spirit. Yet there are different roles among the persons of the Trinity. The Son submits to the Father and the Holy Spirit submits to both the Father and the Son. So there is equality among the persons of the Trinity with different roles or functions in their relationship to one another.
Similarly, the husband and wife are equal in terms of essence, worth, and dignity, with differing roles in their relationship to one another.
So when Peter says in verse 7 that husbands are to give honor to the wife, “as to the weaker vessel,” he cannot mean weaker in the sense of being weaker in essence. He cannot mean the wife is essentially weaker or intellectually weaker or morally weaker.
So he likely speaks with reference to her being physically weaker. Common sense bears out this understanding, as well. Generally speaking, men are physically stronger than women.
There are some exceptions, of course. There was that girl in the 5th Grade, you know, who could beat virtually any guy who challenged her in arm wrestling. How embarrassing guys, do you remember?! But generally speaking, a man’s body is constitutionally stronger than a woman’s body.
But note the word ending there in verse 7, the ending attached to the word weak is “-er.” Weaker, weaker than whom? Weaker than her husband. Men are weak, too.
Remember what Peter wrote back in chapter 1, verse 24 where he was contrasting the physical bodies of mankind with the eternal Word of God? Quoting from Isaiah, Peter says in 1 Peter 1:24, “All flesh is as grass, and all the glory of man as the flower of the grass. The grass withers, and its flower falls away,” verse 25, “But the Word of the Lord endures forever.”
All men are as grass, here today and gone tomorrow. Both wives and husbands are weak in this sense. But generally speaking, the husband is stronger and therefore the biblical husband seeks to guard his wife as her strong protector.
So the biblical husband takes care of his wife. After all, he is crazy about his wife, so he naturally seeks to guard her and protect her. He cares about her safety. He sees that she has what she needs.
So there are implications here for the husband’s taking care of his wife. The husband ensures that his wife and children are cared for, that the home is in good shape and good order, that there’s plenty of food on the table and money in the bank.
A wife may be able to work in such a way that she does not neglect her mothering role and responsibilities, but ultimately, it falls to her husband to ensure that the family is adequately provided for. He is the leader of the family, cherishing his wife as something precious to behold.
So he calls her or texts her during the day just to see how she’s doing. He makes sure she is treated as one who is precious.
This guarding her as strong protector is related to the second way in which a biblical husband demonstrates he is crazy about his wife; not only by guarding her as her strong protector but, secondly, Peter says to husbands:
–Grow with her as her Spiritual Partner
7 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life,”
The wife is the husband’s spiritual partner. Husband and wife are “heirs together of the grace of life.” Husbands and wives are growing together in the grace of life.
As a husband and wife are drawn closer to God they are drawn closer to one another. Similarly, the closer a biblical husband and a biblical wife are to one another, the closer they are to God.
How can a husband cultivate his being an heir together with his wife of the grace of life?
By continuing to lead his wife to follow Christ. He loves her the way Christ loves the church. Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her.”
A biblical husband loves his wife the way Christ loved the church. How did Christ love the church? He cherished the church. He prayed for the church.
Men, pray for your wives. And pray with your wives. Take her by the hand and say, “Let’s pray.” Pray for your wife and pray for her children. Get down on your knees at the bed of your sons and daughters and pray for the family. Not only will your children feel loved and be influenced by your actions, but so will their mother.
Show your love for your spiritual partner, the one with whom you are an “heir together of the grace of life.” Show your love for her by standing with her as your partner.
Defend her. Take her side in an argument with the in-laws. Don’t be like the passive father in the situation comedies on TV who never side with their wives and cower to their mothers. You’re not an “heir together” with your mother, but you’re an “heir together” with your wife. She is your spiritual partner.
Show your love for her by leading. Take her to church with you. Take your kids to church when she is sick. Take the other kids to church with you when she stays home with one of the sick ones.
Do you know that Gospel song, “Excuses?” It’s about how the devil works overtime to keep Christians away from church. Some of the lyrics are:
When people come to know the Lord, the Devil always loses
So to keep them folks away from church, he offers them excuses.
Well, a headache Sunday morning and a backache Sunday night.
But by work-time Monday morning, you’re feeling quite alright.
While one of the children has a cold, “Pneumonia, do you suppose?”
Why the whole family had to stay home, just to blow that poor kid’s nose.
Husband, do not expect your wife and children to grow any closer to God than you yourself are willing to lead them. Don’t be passive. Lead your wives. Lead your children. Lead them to worship publicly and lead them to worship privately, at home.
Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church, praying for her, praying with her, being patient toward her, forgiving her, cherishing her in every way.
Be committed to her, be considerate of her, and be crazy about her.
Then, Peter gives a warning. Fourthly and finally:
- Be Careful Leading Her
Be careful. Notice the very last phrase, the very last thing Peter says in verse 7:
7 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.
–Failure to lead biblically affects your relationship with God
Our relationship with others always affects our relationship with God. This is much like Matthew 5:23-24 where Jesus teaches that if we have a problem with a fellow believer we need to go and make it right with that person before we even begin to try worshiping God.
The same principle applies in family relationships. Peter is clear here: Husbands, lead your wives biblically or don’t expect God to hear your prayers. Men, you simply cannot expect to grow spiritually if you’re not leading your wives.
Often a man may wonder why it seems God is not answering his prayers and it may well be because he’s not leading as a biblical husband, pure and simple.
See the warning in the passage, men. Don’t gloss over it. If you fail to be the husband God has called you to be, your prayer life will suffer. God is under no obligation to hear and answer your prayers.
Conclusion:
So what will it be, men? “Put another log on the fire?” If so, you may also find yourself singing, “Come and tell me why you’re leaving me.”
Let me suggest a different song from verse 7, “Baby, I’m committed to you. I’m considerate of you. I’m crazy about you.”
- Stand for prayer.
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