Christian Homes on Father’s Day

Christian Homes on Father’s Day

“Christian Homes on Father’s Day”

(Colossians 3:18-21)

Rev. Todd A. Linn, PhD

Henderson’s First Baptist Church, Henderson

  • Take your Bibles and join me in Colossians chapter 3.

We are interrupting our series in Nehemiah in honor of our father’s day.  So we’re looking at a passage of Scripture that has a word or two for fathers and, more generally, a passage that addresses Christian homes, the Christian family.  What does that look like in the New Testament?  What does it look like when Jesus Christ who is our Lord, is Lord of the home?  That’s what we’re going to study this morning: Christian Homes on Father’s Day.  

  • Please stand in honor of the reading of God’s Word.

18 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.

20 Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.

21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

  • Pray: “God, it is because of grace that we can address You this morning as Father.  You are our Father and we are Your children.  You have called us out of darkness into Your marvelous light.  You have done this through Christ Jesus who is our Lord and Savior.  We thank You that Jesus lived for us, died for our sins, and rose from the dead that we may have life.  Thank You for adopting us Your special children whose lives are hidden with Christ in God.  Holy Spirit, please teach us this morning as we study Your Word, for Christ’s sake, amen.”

In most churches today there is some sense of expectation that fathers will at least be mentioned on a day that is celebrated as “Father’s Day.”  After all, a number of us in the room are fathers, or we hope one day to be fathers.  And I suppose it goes without saying that every one of us in the room has or has had a father.  Maybe that doesn’t go without saying!  Some resent their fathers.  Some have tried to block out the memory of their fathers as they were less than ideal dads.  All of those scenarios, and a number of others, fill a sanctuary like ours as people gather together in worship this morning.  Is there hope from God?  Is there a word from the Scriptures that will help us and guide us concerning the matter of Christian homes?  

Well, I think there is!  One of the truths our children learned this week in Vacation Bible School is that the Bible will guide them in the wild.  The Bible will guide us in the crazy jungle of our lives.  God speaks into the chaos of our homes and brings the correction of Scripture.  He defines Christian homes.  He defines marriage.  He works through the home and family to shape us into Chrislikeness.

One of the things I like to share about marriage is that God uses our spouse to make us more like Jesus.  Our spouses know us!  I mean I can act a certain way in public.  I can put my best foot forward.  But if you really want to know what kind of husband I am, ask my wife.  Our wives know us!  They know our flaws.  They know our failures.

Someone said a bachelor is lucky: he can make a mistake and no one will know it!  He may not even know it!  We grow through marriage, don’t we?

We say, “If love is blind, then marriage is the eye-opener!”  Marriage is one of the best spiritual disciplines God uses to grow Christians.  Marriage is the crucible in which the elements of love and care are heated to high temperatures in order to forge us into the kind of Christians we are to be.  And God uses a lot of light and heat in the chemistry lab of marriage.

One husband said, “I always have the last word with my wife, even if I have to go into another room to say it.”

Marriage is great—a gift from God.  At the same time, not being married is a gift, as well.  The Apostle Paul extols the virtues of remaining unmarried insofar as an unmarried person has more time and opportunity to serve God.  Not everyone has the gift of celibacy, abstaining from intimacy, abstaining from marriage, but some do.  And that is a gift from God as much as marriage is a gift from God.

So we want to look at what God says about Christian homes.  And before we return to the passage we read a moment ago—verses 18 through 21—it is important to address the context in which these verses occur.  And for the context, we should go back at least to the beginning of Chapter 3 where Paul makes clear that he is addressing Christians.  He is writing specifically to those people who have a new identity, those who are raised with Christ, those who have new life in Jesus.  They once were a people who were spiritually dead, walking in the ways of the world, and living in houses and homes that were not in order.  They were living in ways that were wrong.  But God has set things right through Christ Jesus.  So, verse 1 of Chapter 3:

1 If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God.

2 Set your mind on things above, not on things of the earth.

3 For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.

4 When Christ who is our life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory.

So until Christ returns, we act this way—verses 5 and following, putting to death things like fornication, uncleanness, etc.  

Christ is “our life.”  Literally the text reads, “Christ our life.”  He is not to be partitioned or categorized in some way respective to our lives.  As though Christ were our life merely on Sundays.  Or Christ is our life during the time of our DQ, our time of Daily Quiet; as though He were our life only in those moments, and then we get on with the rest of life.  No, Christ our life.  

It’s the popular gospel Chorus:

You are love, You are life

You are Lord over everything

Alpha, Omega, Jehovah, The King of Kings,

Wonderful, Waymaker, Worthy of my offering

Hallowed be thy name

When Christ is our life then our identity is found exclusively in Him.  Put another way, we will happily live in whatever situation we find ourselves because our identity is not found in the situation, but in the Savior.  So if our marriage is less than ideal, we will still do our part to live as God has called us because our identity is not found in our spouse, but in our Lord.  We will be good parents, good children, even if our children or parents do not always “act right,” we will nonetheless do our part because our identity is found in and shaped by Jesus Christ—not our kids, not our parents, not our job, not our house, but in Christ alone; Christ who is our life.  So what does a Christian home look like when Christ is our life?

**When Christ is Our Life…

  1. Wives Submit to their Husbands (18)

18 Wives, submit to your own husbands (not another person’s husband!), as is fitting in the Lord.

It is unfortunate that modern feminist notions of submission are often the definitions rattling around in many of our heads.  Submission is thought of as a bad term.  Something that suggests inferiority, as though women were merely objects or doormats upon which to be trampled.  That is not at all the biblical meaning of submission.

Submission does NOT mean inferiority.  It means to voluntarily yield to another and follow.  More precisely, it means simply “to arrange under rank.”  

It acknowledges that while a man and woman are equal in worth and dignity, they each have different roles in the Christian home.  Husbands lovingly lead and wives lovingly yield to that leadership.  But both are equal in essence.  Neither husband nor wife is either superior or inferior.  Let me say that again: in Christian marriage, neither the husband nor the wife is either superior or inferior.  

Just as God is a trinity.  God is one.  The same essence in the Father is found in the Son is found in the Holy Spirit.  The Son is not inferior to the Father.  The Son has the same worth and dignity as the Father.  Yet, the Son submits to the Father.  The Holy Spirit submits to both the Son and the Father.  Father, Son, and Spirit are the same in terms of worth and dignity, but they have different roles, different relationships one to another.

So again, submission does not convey inferiority.  It means to voluntarily yield to another and follow.  It means to “arrange under rank.”

Just as in the army a corporal and a private are equal in terms of worth or value, one has to lead, so the private yields to the corporal, just as the corporal yields to the sergeant.  All are equal in personhood, but without order in the army, chaos ensues.  Without order in the family, chaos ensues.  Someone has to lead.

Paul does not say, “Wives, unquestioningly OBEY your husbands,” which would have been perfectly acceptable in households in the Roman Empire.  In secular Roman households women unquestionably obeyed whatever their husband ordered.  Paul does not say, “Wives, obey your husbands.”  He says, “submit,” voluntarily yield in love.  It means to acknowledge that in every home there is one primary leader.  Leadership is impossible without follower-ship, if you like. To submit is to follow lovingly, yielding voluntarily, recognizing God has given the husband the weighty role and responsibility of spiritual leadership in the home.

Why is Paul writing this?  Why is he addressing Christian homes?  Well again, remember the context: Paul is writing to a people who were once living according to the pull of the dark, natural world.  They were living as non-Christians and Paul is saying, “You’re different now.  You live your lives differently now.”  

In fact, the phrase “as is fitting in the Lord” in verse 18 is a way of saying, “as should be the case among those in the Lord,” as is expected among Christians, as expected among those whose lives are “hidden with Christ in God (3).”  Submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord, in light of who Christ is and what Christ has taught.

Apart from redemption, we will live our lives according to the pull of the dark, natural world, the unredeemed, broken world.  Remember when all things went awry.  It happened in Genesis 3 when Adam and Eve partook of the forbidden fruit and brought sin into the world.  God makes clear the consequences of that sin in:

Genesis 3:16, a woman’s “desire will be for (her) husband” and that “he will rule over (her).”  This is not good!  Those words “desire” and “rule” speak of sinful things.  It speaks of mastering and ruling.

A woman’s “desire” will be for her husband.  That word is the same word as in Genesis 4:7 here God warns Cain who is about to murder his brother Abel: “Sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it.”

Because of the fall in Genesis 3, the wife will now seek to master her husband, to overrule her husband, while the husband will seek to dominate his wife.  The husband, in seeking dominance, often ironically abdicates his role as leader and becomes passive.  This is, I believe, the primary reason God addresses Adam first rather than Eve although Eve was first to partake of the forbidden fruit.  He had passively abdicated his role as spiritual leader and protector of Eve.

Remember that Paul is laying down foundations for those who are new creations in Christ, for those whose lives are “hidden with Christ in God,” those for whom “Christ is (their) life!”  So they once were living the wrong way, and he is now teaching them how to live the right way.  Because of the fall, a wife will naturally seek to overrule or master her husband.  That’s the natural, default position, apart from Christ.  But now the woman is in Christ, enabled to live spiritually, living in accordance with God’s original design for marriage.  Similarly, because of the fall, a husband will naturally seek to dominate his wife, that’s the natural, default position, apart from Christ.  But now the man is in Christ, enabled to live spiritually, living in accordance with God’s original design.  Colossians 3 is a “course correction,” teaching how marriage is supposed to look in light of our new natures in Christ.

The Bible is our guide for how to have Christian homes.  Go to the right source for correction.  If your computer breaks down you don’t read your car manual to repair it.  If you’re faucet drips, you don’t read a page on troubleshooting the battery on your iPhone.  You go to the right source.  And when you seek to right the course of your marriage, you go to the right source, you read the right book, you go to God’s Word.  God is the only third party in a marriage who can actually make it work!

When Christ is our life, wives submit to their husbands.  Secondly, when Christ is our life:

  1. Husbands Love their Wives (19)

19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.

The word “bitter” there is often translated as “harsh.”  Perhaps a combination is in view: “Do not rage against your wife in harsh bitterness,” something like that.

Left to their fallen natures, men can wrongly lash out at their wives, even wrongly using their physical bodies to intimidate or oppress in some sinful way.  While this kind of androcentrism was acceptable behavior in Roman society among Roman households, it was unacceptable—and remains unacceptable—among Christian households.  

No woman should feel pressured to remain in a marriage where there is physical abuse, especially a pattern of sustained, sinful, unrepentant and recurring abuse by her husband.  Minimally, a temporary separation is not only wise, but may be even life-saving.

Verbal abuse is equally wrong.  And while it’s not Paul’s point to define thresholds for permitted separation here, both husbands and wives must take care to avoid even the faintest hint of verbal criticism of their spouse; recurring slams and barbs that slowly chip away at the beautiful structure of the one-flesh union of husband and wife.  

In a related passage, Ephesians 5, Paul says husbands are to “love their wives as Christ loved the church (25).”  How did Christ love the church?  Well, he loved the church in many ways, ways ultimately culminating in a sacrificial love, dying for the church.  Christ loved the church so much, He died for her.  That’s the same love a husband is to show towards his wife.  Love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.

Love her by being a good spiritual leader.  Take her hand and pray with her.  It doesn’t have to be long and wordy.  You might just take her hand and say, “God, help us to live in a way that pleases You today, amen.”  Simple.  Pray for your kiddos.  Love your wife by being the leader in the home.

Love her by affirming her.  Love her by openly commending her in the presence of others.  When you’re around other people, speak of the things your wife does well.  Brag on her in the presence of others.  It shows you love her.

You know when we’re dating or courting, men tend to work hard at these things.  And then, over time, we get a little rusty.

Someone said, “When a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure that either the car is new or the wife is new.”  Don’t stop doing things like that!  Show your love for her by leading her, speaking well of her, adoring her, cherishing her.

When Christ is our life, wives submit to their husbands and husbands love their wives.  Thirdly, when Christ is our life:

  1. Children Obey their Parents (20)

20 Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.

We may define children in this context as sons and daughters who are still living in the home of mom or dad, under their parental guidance.  Obeying their parents is a reversal to what is natural to the unconverted child.  Disobedience to parents is natural—for some, more natural than others!.  That’s why disobeying parents is listed among the more heinous sins catalogued in Romans 1.  Look at the last few verses of Romans 1 and you’ll see listed among the sins of pagans apart from Christ, you’ll read of murder, sexual immorality, haters of God, and this phrase, “disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30).”

Children, obey your parents in all things.  This instruction is a reflection of the 5th commandment.  How many children are here today—let’s just say 12 and under?  How many of you know the 5th Commandment?

Exodus 20:12: “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.

In Ephesians 6, Paul calls it “the first commandment with a promise (6:2),”—the promise being that if you obey your parents, it will go well with you; your life will be better—no doubt!  A child who learns to obey authority at home will learn to obey other authorities in society and is far more likely, then, to have things “go well” with him or her.

Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.  When Christ is our life, wives submit to their husbands, husbands love their wives, children obey their parents and, fourthly, when Christ is our life:

  1. Fathers Encourage their Children (21)

21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

The word “fathers” here can be understood to include moms, as well, moms and dads; parents.  Both moms and dads are often guilty of “provoking” their children.  What does this mean? Ephesians 6 may be helpful, the parallel passage:

Ephesians 6:4, “Do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”

The idea is we don’t want to exasperate our children, discouraging them to the point of exasperation.  We fail to encourage them so that they feel they can never live up to our standards, never make us proud, never please mom or dad.

One could make the case that parents are also guilty of exasperating their children by passive parenting, by not being there for them, or by not disciplining them.  Children often rebel and pushback in an effort to determine whether they are truly loved by their parents—if even unknowingly, just rebelling and pushing boundaries because deep down they yearn for the correction that a loving parent provides. 

Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.  The primary idea seems to be the ongoing criticism of children that leads to their frustration.

Fathers, your sons and daughters may not choose the path you think they should choose.  They may make mistakes.  Lots of them.  

By the way, you can raise your children according to the latest book on godly parenting, dotting all the “I”s and crossing all the “T”s but your children will still grow to make their own decisions.  Listen: Their behavior is NOT a judgment upon your parenting skills.  Let me say that again: “You train your child up in the way he should go,” you have done well.  Your child grows and makes his or her own decisions and may even stray from the faith for a season.  That is NOT a judgment upon your parenting abilities.   If that were so, there’d be a lot of godly Christian teachers and preachers who failed; Billy Graham and John Piper chief among them.  John Piper held family devotions, wrote poetry for his kids, and all the rest—but even Piper had a rebellious grown child.  And to quote the headline from an article in Christianity Today a few years ago: “If It Can Happen to John Piper, It Can Happen to You.”  I don’t mean to alarm anyone, but rather to remind you that you and I have no control over anyone or anything.  We trust a sovereign God, who always does what is right.   

So heed the warning of the opposite error: just as the bad behavior of straying children raised in godly homes is NOT a condemnation of your “inferior” parenting skills, so the good behavior of non-straying children is NOT a commendation of your “superior” parenting skills.  If you’ve got kids who have never strayed and never pushed the envelope and always did the right thing—and I’ve got one—you’d better get on your knees and thank God above that He saw fit in His grace to give you, undeservedly, a low-maintenance bundle of joy!  Praise God.  

I’ve quoted this local minister before (Stephen Schwambach).  He said:

I’ve had both kinds of kids, so I can testify: When God gives a parent an easy keeper you get way too much credit.  When God entrusts a parent with a keg of dynamite dressed up as a kid, you get way too much blame.  Think twice before you ask the the parent of a seemingly perfect easy keeper how they “did it.” If they’ve never tried to rear a keg of dynamite, they don’t have a clue!

Amen and amen!  There is no such thing as perfect children, perfect parents, a perfect wife, a perfect husband, a perfect father.

Who hasn’t sinned?  Who hasn’t failed as a father?  Good night, there’s not a father in the room who could be elevated as THE example of examples, the paragon of fatherly virtue!  My Lord, we’re all sinners!  We’re all imperfect.

There are only four chapters in the Bible without sin: the first two and the last two; Genesis 1-2 and Revelation 21-22.  Everywhere in-between is brokenness, fallenness, dysfunction and imperfection.

Some of you have a good dad or you had a good dad.  Thank God for that!  Praise God for good dads.  Many of us are thankful today to have fathers who not only gave us life, but taught us how to live.  Praise God.

There’s just one PERFECT Father.  And He is a good, good Father.  

This is why—if you’re a dad, you need not sink into guilt and despair.  Look to your heavenly Father!

This is why—if you’re the child of a dad who neglected you or mistreated you, this day does not have to be a bad day.  Look to your heavenly Father!

I remember my dad getting angry with me once when I was small.  He was trying to teach me something and show me how to plant some bush and I was totally uninterested and he sensed that and, in a moment of frustration and anger, he lashed out: “You’ll never amount to anything!”  And those words hurt me then and they hurt me years later.  And there were far worse things my dad did that hurt me even more deeply and hurt my family.  

But the cool thing about grace is that God gives it to us!  It’s a powerful and amazing transformative gift!  God shows us grace in forgiving our sins against Him so that we may be able to give grace to others, forgiving them.  This is Ephesians 4:32: “And be ye kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”  And so, many of you have discovered what I have discovered, the joy of forgiving a dad who hurt us, who hurt our moms, who hurt our siblings, sometimes very deeply.  

Choose to forgive.  Experience the unfettered, unshackled freedom of joy in the Lord when you forgive others.

  • Let’s pray.  Heads bowed and eyes closed.

Some of you may be a dad or a mom who needs to confess your sins before God and repent.  Withe heads bowed and eyes closed just be honest with God.  In your spirit, you can pray silently, just say: “Dear God, I have not lived up to the teachings of Your Word.  I have sinned.  I have not loved my wife and children as I should.  Or, I have not submitted to my husband as I should.  I have not obeyed my parents as I should.  I have hurt others.  God, forgive me.  I turn from my sin and I look to Jesus.  Thank You Jesus for being perfect for me, keeping all of God’s commands for me.  Thank You Jesus for dying for my sins and rising on the third day in life that I too may have life in Christ Jesus, in who’s name I pray, amen.”

You know, even if you had a great dad, you don’t worship your earthly father, you worship your heavenly Father.  He is faithful!  He will never be un-faithful!  Through summer, winter, springtime, and harvest—He will always be faithful!  

Let’s stand and worship Him through our time of response.  As you sing, you respond however you need to respond.

RESPONSE: “Great is Thy Faithfulness”

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: The text contained in this sermon is solely owned by its author. The reproduction, or distribution of this message, or any portion of it, should include the author’s name. The author intends to provide free resources in order to inspire believers and to assist preachers and teachers in Kingdom work.