Being a Biblical Wife-Pt. 1

Being a Biblical Wife-Pt. 1

“Being a Biblical Wife–Pt. One”
(1 Peter 3:1-6)
Series: Strength Through Adversity (1Peter)

Rev. Todd A. Linn, PhD

Henderson’s First Baptist Church, Henderson

I invite you to take your Bibles and join me in 1 Peter, chapter 3 (page 815; YouVersion).

If you’re visiting with us we are preaching our way through the book of 1 Peter, verse-by-verse.  That’s what we do here, we preach through books of the Bible.  Rather than the preacher coming up with a topic he thinks the congregation needs to hear, we allow the Lord to determine the topic each week as we preach through books of the Bible.  This method, expository preaching through books of the Bible, is more likely to locate the authority for the message in God and His Word rather than in the preacher and his ideas.

Incidentally, this may help clarify a frequent misunderstanding about expository preaching and topical preaching.  Is there a place for topical preaching, preaching a topic each week that the pastor selects?  Well, when expository preaching is done correctly, there will be a topic each week.  Each sermon has one main idea.  The difference between expository preaching and most topical preaching is that in expository preaching the preacher has one main text and is teaching the topic that flows naturally from that one main passage.  He may bring other verses to bear upon that passage, but he will be anchored by the one main text.

In most topical preaching today, a preacher determines first what he wishes to say and then searches the Bible for various verses or passages that back-up what he wishes to preach.  That’s not entirely wrong, but there are many dangers in doing this, not the least of which is the danger of selecting verses out of their contexts and teaching them without regard to their true meaning.

On the other hand, when expository preaching is done correctly, the preacher has one main passage–usually identified by paragraphs as he is preaching through a book of the Bible–and that one main passage yields one main topic.  You could call what we do each week “Topo-sitional” preaching!  Expository preaching of one main text that yields one main topic.

For example, previous topics in chapter 2 include, “Following Christ No Matter Your Politics” (2:13-17) and, “When Suffering Wrongly” (2:18-23).  Today’s message is on the topic of, “Being a Biblical Wife” from chapter 3 and verses 1-6.  Do you see how there is one main topic each week?
Well, let’s take a look, then, at chapter 3 as we continue our verse-by-verse study of 1 Peter and we’re going to look at the first 6 verses.

Please stand in honor of the reading of God’s Word.

1 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives,
2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.
3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—
4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.
5 For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands,
6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.

Pray.

Introduction:

Today’s message is entitled, “Being a Biblical Wife.”  You could add the subtitle: “Living as godly wives in ungodly times.”

It would be a grave mistake to read no further than the first word of verse 1– “Wives…” — and assume because you are not a wife that you can disregard this passage! This passage is for husbands too, and future wives and future husbands and former wives and former husbands and grandparents of wives and grandparents of future wives.  In fact, the passage is written to all Christians so the entire church is concerned with what it means to be a biblical wife.  That certainly is the case here as one of the components of our mission statement is to “Strengthen the Family.”

What Peter teaches in these opening verses was no more popular among the culture of his day than is popular in the culture of our day.  The idea that wives should submit to their husbands raises eyebrows even in many evangelical churches.  We may speculate as to why this is so and there are likely more than one or two reasons.  Certainly one reason would be that many have failed to teach or failed to understand true, biblical submission.  There are a lot of wrong ideas about submission.

The other day I came in the house from having run on the treadmill in the garage.  It was cold out in the garage and so I came into the house and found my wife and I gave her a hug and, because my nose was cold, I buried it into her cheek.  I like doing that!  It’s fun, you know.  She drew back quickly and fussed a little at me.  And I said, “Hey, you have to let me do this.  I’m preaching on submission Sunday!”

All in fun!  But you know some people’s ideas of submission are not too far from my little joke–only they’re not joking.  For many in our culture, submission means that wives are to be doormats upon which their husbands walk, or slaves who must obey the harsh commands of their husbands who act like frustrated drill sergeants.  This is not biblical submission.  And we’re going to be talking about that from this passage.

In fact, because of the necessary background and groundwork we’re going to do this morning, we’ll be looking at this passage in two parts, part one this morning and, Lord willing, part two next Lord’s day.

So let’s take a look at some points that naturally surface from this one main passage.  As is our practice, we’ll “camp-out” at 1 Peter 3, but we’ll also be looking at a few other passages that speak to the matter of submission.  So if you’re a note-taker, jot down this first point, number one:

I. Consider the Blessing of a Biblical Wife (1)

The blessing of a biblical wife is identified in verse 1:

1 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word (that is, without talking), may be won by the conduct of their wives,

Let’s remember that Peter has been writing about submission from at least as far back as chapter 2 and verse 13.  You’ll remember that he wrote that Christians should, verse 13, “Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man,” and so we talked about submitting to the government.  Then, in verse 18, Peter writes, “Servants, be submissive to your masters.”  Now, in chapter 3 and verse 1 Peter writes, “Wives, likewise (that is, just as servants submit to their masters and just as all men submit to their governing leaders, so wives likewise) be submissive to your own husbands.”

There is an inherent blessing when a wife submits to her husband and the inherent blessing is bound up in the fact that when she submits to her husband she is doing that which is biblical.  God always honors our doing what is biblical.  Wives, be submissive to your own husbands.

There is another blessing when a wife submits to her husband that is expressly stated here in verse 1.  When a Christian woman becomes a believer, but her husband remains an unbeliever, Peter writes how she may win her unbelieving husband to faith in Christ.  He says in verse 1, “Wives, likewise be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word (that is, the Gospel), they, without a word (without your talking), may be won by the conduct (or behavior) of their wives.”

It is supremely helpful to remember that the conversion of an unbelieving husband is what drives this passage of Peter’s.  See, much is made over the fact that Peter takes 6 verses to address wives and just 1 verse to address husbands (verse 7).  See that in the text?  Verses 1-6 about wives, verse 7 about husbands.  And the implication is, “Peter’s got a lot more to say to wives to straighten them out!”  Well, not exactly.  Peter is talking about submission in verses 1-6, but what undergirds these six verses is his demonstrating how biblical submission on the part of a wife may result in the conversion of an unbelieving husband.

Just knowing that helps us see right away that biblical submission does not mean that a wife can’t think for herself nor that she must always agree with her husband.  In Peter’s teaching here, the wife is a believer and the husband is not.  Peter doesn’t tell the wife to not think for herself or tell her she must follow her husband’s teaching on everything.  That’s not what submission means.

But the question remains: What is biblical submission?  What does it really mean to, “Be submissive?”  It is not really possible to understand the wife’s role of submission apart from the husband’s role of headship, leadership of his wife and family.  Of course, the husband’s role as leader is implied here in 1 Peter 3, else the idea of submission would make no sense.  That Peter instructs wives in verse 1 to, “Be submissive to their own husbands” necessarily means that their husbands are leading.

Now I know some of us are very concerned about what to do when husbands are not leading and we’ll be dealing with that unfortunate circumstance more fully when we get to verse 7.  But for now, let’s talk about this matter of male headship in the home.  This teaching does not begin in the New Testament, but is as old as Adam and Eve.

Men and women are created as equal image-bearers of God.  They are equal in essence.  They equally possess dignity before God.  Neither is more or less important than the other nor is one inferior to the other.

Feminist teaching in some evangelical churches agrees that husbands and wives are essentially equal, equal in essence, but feminist teaching denies that there are different roles or functions of the husband and wife in the marriage.

But the Bible teaches that the husband bears primary responsibility to lead his wife and to lead his family in a God-honoring way.  That means he does not lead as an authoritarian nor that he leads in a domineering way.  His model for leadership is Jesus Christ.

Ephesians 5:23 says that, “The husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church.”  How did Christ lead as head of the church?  He loved the church.  He prayed for the church.  He died for the church.

This role of the husband’s, the role of headship in the home, is rooted in creation.  Contrary to popular feminist theology, male headship in the home did not come as a result of the Fall of Genesis 3.  Some believe the idea of male headship, male leadership, came as the result of sin entering into the world.  So, they teach that sin caused male headship.

But when you study the opening chapters of Genesis, you note that male headship is taught before the Fall, Genesis chapters 1 and 2 teach the different functions and roles of husband and wife prior to Genesis 3, the Fall.  To be sure, sin distorts the roles of husband and wife and that is largely what we are witnessing today in many families, the distortion of the roles of husband and wife, role-reversals of husband and wife, but the biblical model begins in the opening chapters of the Bible, before sin entered into the world.

This is why the New Testament reaffirms the teaching of male headship and biblical submission.  If submission were sinful, it would not be reaffirmed in the New Testament, yet it is reaffirmed.  We noted Ephesians 5 earlier, let me give just one other Scripture.

1 Corinthians 11:3, “I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.”

Paul states very clearly that, “the head of woman is man.”  That is, the husband is to lead his wife.  But note that that teaching is sandwiched between two other statements that color the kind of leadership Paul has in mind.  Hear it again:

1 Corinthians 11:3, “I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.”

So what Paul says about the man’s being “head” of his wife is to be interpreted by what precedes and follows it.  “The head of every man is Christ” and, “The head of Christ is God.”  So, how does a husband lead his wife?  The same way Christ leads the husband .  How is a wife to submit to her husband?  The same way Christ submits to His Father.

The husband and wife are equal in essence, but each has a different function, a different role.  The husband leads his wife as head of his wife.  He leads.  The wife is a helper to her husband (Genesis 2:18; 1 Corinthians 11:8-9), which makes her a beautiful complement and completer to her husband.  He is incomplete without her.

So submission means that the wife voluntarily yields herself to the leadership of her husband.  Again, it doesn’t mean she cannot think for herself or that she will always agree with her husband, but it means the wife has an inclination to lovingly follow her husband.

One other helpful illustration is found in the doctrine of the Trinity.  The teaching of the Trinity is that God is a triune God.  He is one God in three Persons.  Each of the Persons–Father, Son, and Holy Spirit–each Person is of equal essence and dignity to one another.  No one Person of the Godhead is more God than another.  The Son of God is as much God as the Holy Spirit.  The Father is as important as the Son, and so forth.

Yet, while there is equality among the Persons of the Trinity, there is also variety of function and role and there is subordination in the Godhead.   The Son submits to the Father.  The Holy Spirit submits to both the Son and the Father.  Yet all three are equally God with no loss of dignity or glory among each of them.

For example, Jesus says in John 10:30, “I and the Father are one.”  He is saying, God the Father and God the Son are of the same essence, substance, dignity.  At the same time, however, Jesus submits to the Fahter.  He says in John 5:19, “The Son can do nothing of Himself, but what He sees the Father do; for whatever He does, the Son also does in like manner.”

So with no loss of His dignity, the Son submits to the Father.  Likewise, the wife, with no loss of her dignity, submits to her husband.  Husband and wife are equally image-bearers of God.  They both have worth and dignity before God.  Neither one is more or less important or valuable in the sight of God.  Yet while they are of the same essence, they have differing roles.  The husband is head of the wife in the way that Christ is head of the church.  And the wife submits to her husband in the same way Christ submits to the Father.

This is the blessing of being a biblical wife.  God always honors our following His Word.  Now, note again the blessing that attaches to the wife whose husband is not a believer.  Again in verse 1:

1 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives,

The Phillips translation is helpful here:

Phillips, “If they do not obey the Word of God they may be won to God without any word being spoken, simply by seeing the pure and reverent behavior of you, their wives.”

This is a bit like what Peter said back in chapter 2, verse 12 where he says that Christians living among unbelievers, by their honorable conduct, may cause unbelievers to “glorify God” (1Peter 2:12).

There is power in a Christian life lived-out before others.  Often our actions do speak louder than our words.  This is not to say that words are not important.  But Peter assumes that unbelievers know the Gospel message, they simply have not yet believed it.

So Peter is telling Christian wives who are married to un-Christian husbands how they may win their husbands to the Lord.  He says you may do so not by your words, but by your godly living before them.

Some wives are so frustrated by their husband’s lack of spiritual example that they fall into the trap of verbal rebuke and lecture.  This does little to soften the hard heart of a man insensitive to spiritual things.  If anything, the incessant words of his wife may cause his heart to harden even more.

I know I have shared with you before about the woman in our Sunday school class years ago in Gainesville, Georgia.  I taught a young couples class and this woman attended the class alone.  Few weeks would go by during prayer time or during the teaching of the class that she didn’t carry on about her unbelieving or uncommitted husband.  Her criticisms of her husband suggested that he was incorrigibly sorry and good-for-nothing.  I remember thinking, “No wonder the guy never comes to church. I mean, if he stays home he at least has an hour of silence to himself!”

So we’re going to flesh that out next time when we consider the behavior of a biblical wife.  That’s verse 2.  Unbelieving husbands may be won to faith in Christ, verse 2:

2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.

So we’ll consider the behavior of a biblical wife and then, next week, we’ll consider the beauty of a biblical wife.  That’s verses 3-6.

3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—
4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.

We’ll talk next time about the importance of praising our spouses and praising our children for their inner beauty, rather than outward beauty.

Similarly, achievement in terms of worldly success, academic success, vocational success means very little mean little where there is no inner beauty, if no inner love for Christ, no dedication to God and no service for Him.

So we pause here and consider together the claims of this passage upon our lives.

Stand for prayer.

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